Sanctuary
by Renza
Summary: I really can't think of a way to summarize this. This is the first serious thing I have ever written.
1. Default Chapter

It's cold. Despite the fact that I turned the heat up in the room, it remains cold. I curl up tighter beneath three blankets. The exterior warmth does nothing to help me. I'm shivering. I want to cry, but I'm afraid. I don't want the others to know about this. I can't let them know.  
  
It bothers me. The missions, the killing, the blood. It reaches down deep inside me and pulls at my heart. I never really asked for this. If I could give it up, I would. Live a normal life untainted by the blood. the death. I know that it's just a dream. I could never be normal. I could never go back to the way things were.  
  
My thoughts drift lazily as I make an attempt to fall asleep. This is the fourth time I've tried. Each time I close my eyes, though, the screams return. Voices that belong to lives I helped extinguish. I can hear them clearly, yet I cannot hear them at all. They speak to me, yet they have no voice. I'm unable to place them to a face. There are times when I don't see their faces at all before I claim their lives.  
  
I'm unable to sleep. Perhaps a walk would help to quell the agonizing cries in my head. I climb out of bed and slip soundlessly out the door. Cautiously, I glance down the darkened hallway before I start to move. I don't want to wake anyone. I would be afraid of what they would say if they saw me wandering around at this hour.  
  
I reach the door closest to the stairs before tripping over something lying in the hall. I hiss in pain as my knee connects with the banister, then fall silent. What if someone heard that? I sit in the darkness for a while. No sound issues from behind closed doors. For now, I go unnoticed.  
  
Making an effort to stand, I take another step, hesitant of what else might be lying in the dark. Unfortunately, I must've twisted my body when I fell. My foot doesn't connect with the floor, but open air. The stairs. I grab for the banister and miss, my body pitching forward.  
  
That HAD to wake someone.  
  
But again, the doors remain closed. The lights remain off. Those within remain in slumber. The floor is cold. Colder than I am. I don't want to lie there all night. Slowly, I drag myself to my feet and start back up the stairs.  
  
I don't want to return to my room. Although it's warmer there than it is out here, I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to be trapped in there with the voices. I pause outside the nearest door - the one closest to the staircase. Maybe he'll be awake. I reach out and gently open the door.  
  
I'm greeted by a slender thread of moonlight, snaking its way in through a gap in the curtains and illuminating the sleeping figure in the bed. The blankets are partially tossed aside revealing smooth skin and a slender body. A part of me feels as if I've committed a grievous sin. Like I've just intruded upon some holy sanctuary. I bite my lip before turning to leave.  
  
A soft rustle of cloth catches my attention. Turning back, I can see him watching me. So he wasn't asleep after all. His voice, slurred by sleep, whispers, "Wha's wrong?" I shake my head. I don't want him to worry about me. "Go back to sleep", I reply softly. He growls irritably, although in his current state, it sounds more like a dull purr. I resist the sudden urge to laugh. He looks for all the world like a rumpled kitten. Sighing, I decide to let him have what he wants.  
  
"Can't sleep."  
  
He smiles slightly, propping himself up on his elbows. "Me either."  
  
I just blink and stare. He must think I'm an idiot. I know I'd think I was.  
  
He laughs softly, a nothing more than a faint chuckle, moves closer to the wall, and, shifting his weight to his left arm, lifts the edge of the blankets with his right. "Don' tell me ya jus' wanna stand there all night..."  
  
Shaking my head again, I move toward the bed giving him plenty of time to change his mind. He drops his arm and pouts, then gets out of bed. I freeze as he walks toward me. What is he doing? What's going on? He moves behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders, pushing me to his bed. He's warm. I smile slightly, knowing that he can't see it, and let him have his way.  
  
After pushing me down onto the bed, I feel the mattress shift as he climbs over me and settles in. He pulls the blankets up over us. I'm in shock. I'm not really used to this. to having someone lead me around and into their bed. I lie on my back, not really knowing what to do with myself. Suddenly, I feel a warmth drape over me and something tickle my nose. I glance down to see him curled up against me, his body partially covering mine, his arms wrapped around me, his fingers toying idly with my hair. His head is resting lightly against my collarbone. His hair was what had been tickling my nose. I reach up and gently brush the crimson strands away, marveling at how silky they are. His skin is warm and surprisingly soft, pressed against mine. I rest my hand against his head, bringing the other up to lie across his back. I can feel his eyelashes fluttering against my chest, feel his breath dance lightly along my skin. "Oyasumi," I murmur into his hair. His reply is so soft that I barely catch it. "'Yasumi."  
  
I close my eyes. and the voices are stilled. A smile touches my lips. I had found my respite in the arms of another. He is my sanctuary.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Note: O.o . What happened here? I actually did something serious that's all in one part! Okay, since I don't have a muse, what prompted me to do this was my current Winamp playlist.  
  
You like? Lemme know! You don't like? Lemme know that too! You don't know? Good for you! 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. I have the window open. It's rather chilly outside, but I'm too hot. I growl and kick off my covers, the comforter falling off the bed to land in a heap on the floor. My sheets are damp with sweat, as are the t-shirt and boxers I'm wearing. It's irritating, clinging to my skin as if it were a heavy mist that won't dissipate. I sigh, climb out of bed, and move to sit on the windowsill, staring off into the moonlight night. The mission was rough, but no one took any physical injury. just emotional and psychological ones. Myself included. I can put up a façade well enough when I choose. At times, I can't even tell the difference between the mask I show to the world and the face that's buried beneath it. It wasn't always like this. I wasn't always checking myself, guarding myself, putting up a false front. but time changes, the past slips away, and I allow myself to become lost in the cool air of the Tokyo night. I've been awake for a while now, the sweat cooling on my skin. I suddenly feel dirty - in need of a bath. Slipping like a wraith out of my room and down the hall a short distance to the bathroom, I steal inside, locking the door behind me. I need to cool off. The heat is oppressive. I pull a towel out of the closet and, tossing it haphazardly onto the edge of the sink, I kneel down to play with the faucet. One way or another, I'm going to get "clean". As the bathtub fills, I tug at my shirt, the thin material clinging to my body. Disgusting. I grab the cloth and pull it up over my head, casting it aside without a thought as to where it may land. I find myself sitting on the edge of the tub, trailing my fingers through the cool water, my mind wandering from one thought to the next. Finally satisfied with the temperature and depth, I stand long enough to remove my boxers and let my overheated body slip beneath the surface. When I open my eyes and glance at Yohji's Sailor Moon clock sitting on a shelf in plain view of the shower, I blink. It's 2:00 AM. I've been in the bath for almost two hours. I must've fallen asleep. I quickly climb out of the now-cold water, drain the tub, and wrap the towel around my hips, shivering slightly. I yawn and make my way back to my room. Perhaps I won't be so hot anymore. I cross the room and close the window. It's a beautiful night, but the last thing I need, standing here shedding water with every movement, is to catch a cold. My bedroom is still warm. I yawn again and stretch, glaring at the comforter on the floor. It's too hot in here for that. I pad silently to my closet and pull out a thinner and much lighter blanket. There's no way I'm letting myself roast again. I quickly dry my dripping hair and skin, toss the towel aside, and crawl into bed. I've never been one to sleep nude often. It's only something I do if it get too hot. She used to tease me about it all the time. after she walked in at 4am and tried to wake me up by stealing the covers, that is. I don't know who was more embarrassed: myself for not locking the door, or her for taking my blankets. I curl up between the sheets and close my eyes in an attempt to sleep in the heat. I freeze when I hear something in the hallway right outside my door. Part of me wants to arm myself and beat the shit out of whatever it was. My logical side, however, reminds me that I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion. I sigh and try to resume my interrupted nap. Another crash has me burying my head under the pillow. I'm not scared, not in the least. I'm an assassin. It would be foolish to be able to kill a man without flinching, yet jump at even the smallest sound. I want to go to sleep, but someone seems to have it out for me. Again, I close my eyes and force myself to shut out the world around me. I must've started to drift off, because I almost didn't catch the sound of the door opening. I slowly open my eyes to see a figure standing in the doorway. I know who it is, but I don't understand why. I've never tried to be close to any of them. I even go so far as to tell myself that I don't WANT the closeness, the friendship. that I don't deserve it. He turns to leave. By now, my right arm is falling asleep. I must've been lying on it wrong. I shift my body to try and restore feeling, when he stops and looks back. He must've heard me. I don't put it past him; after all, he's an assassin. I blink and try to speak, but what comes out is a pretty pathetic whisper. "Wha's wrong?" "Go back to sleep." I growl low in my throat. I don't like being ordered around, and I'll be damned if I let him get away with not answering me. He sighs and says, "Can't sleep." There it was - the reason to why he was here. I wanted to ask him why he was in my room, but instead I just smiled and pushed myself up. "Me either." Wha. where the hell did that come from? I guess the heat is starting to get to me. He stares at me as if I've suddenly grown tentacles. I know he doesn't know what to make of this drastic turn in my personality. Honestly, I don't either, but I know that I can't act like a cold-hearted bastard all the time. If I did, I'd die from frostbite, which is why I decide to let the mask fall. He stands there, like he doesn't know whether to walk in or run away. I laugh in spite of myself. He looks kinda cute like that. I move over in the bed and lift the edge of the blankets. He can't sleep, I can't sleep. might as well keep each other company for a while. He continues to stare. "Don' tell me ya jus' wanna stand there all night." I wince inwardly. Kami, I sound like an idiot tonight. He shakes his head, closes the door, and starts to come closer. Agonizingly slow steps. He must think I'm going to bite his head off. Of course, it's not everyday that I offer to let someone sleep with me. or smile. or laugh. or. oh shit. That's when it dawns on me that I'm still naked. A part of me hopes that he'll turn and run. The rest of me wants him to stay. Unfortunately, the rest is what wins out. I drop the sheets, pouting. I'm not going to sit here all night while he tiptoes around. The door is closed. The light from outside is shut off. All that remains is the pale moonlight from the window. I keep pouting. This is taking way too long. I climb out of bed, not caring about embarrassing myself. He'd probably write it all off as a weird dream later, anyway. besides, he doesn't seem to notice. I move behind him and push him toward the bed. He looks unsure of what's going on. I don't blame him. I'd act the same if I were him. After dragging him into bed, I crawl over him and settle back between the sheets, pulling the blankets up over us. I have to force myself not to laugh at him. He looks shocked. On a whim, I curl up against him, my body half-covering his, my arms around him, and run my fingers through his hair. I don't really know why I'm doing this, but it doesn't feel wrong, so I run with it. I can feel his hands on me. one on my head playing with my hair, the other across my lower back. Slowly, the sleep that had been eluding me falls into my grasp and I let my eyes drift shut. "Oyasumi," he murmurs softly, his breath ruffling my hair. A smile touches my lips. "'Yasumi," I reply, and fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. 


End file.
